


May The Dread Wolf Break You

by aerynthesebacean



Series: The Lavellans [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Also A Bitch, Alternate Canon, An Egg With Feelings, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Protective Siblings, Solas is an Egg, Trespasser DLC, slight AU, with feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-12-09 07:24:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11664354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerynthesebacean/pseuds/aerynthesebacean
Summary: The events of the Exalted Council leave the Lavellan siblings reeling. The Inquisitor does his best to help his sister, the strongest person he knows, recover after all that has been taken from her. The Dread Wolf broke her, Caedri hopes not beyond repair.(Trespasser spoilers. Rated M for language and NSFW scenes.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story and the character, Aphre, are born out of conversations with my good friend about his Inquisitor, Caedri. (He can be found under the name shkespeare on ao3.) I never actually intended to romance Solas because I always thought he was a dick, but the more I learnt about him the more interesting a character he became. Yes, I still think he's a dick, but oh boy is he an interesting character, one that will break poor Aphre's heart as I sit and write her story.  
> So thank you to my friend for providing inspiration and having constant conversations about the hypothetical situations Caedri and Aphre would face together!  
> And go and read his fic about Caedri's proposal, I would HIGHLY recommend it.

Both Lavellans had stepped through the eluvian, the eluvian that led them straight to Solas. Fen’Harel. It had been two years since the pair and seen him, but only Aphre could dwell on the thought. The man she loved was stood in front of her as if a day had not passed, a small smile on his lips. Caedri’s hand was burning, the pain shooting across his nerves, debilitating, his vision blacked out momentarily before the pain subsided at Solas’ command.

Caedri was on his knees, his eyes trained on the mark that radiated a sickening green light. Aphre’s eyes were stuck on Solas, she was paralysed, helpless, _weak_. She was not weak, yet here she was, a moment away from collapsing in front of him, joining her brother on the floor.

“That should give us more time. I suspect you have questions.” Solas spoke, the small smile playing on his lips. Silence hung in the air as Aphre helped her brother to his feet, the few moments allowed anger to wash over Aphre, the calm and contained kind. The one that held for so long before its fury was unleashed on everyone in its path.

“How were you able to control the anchor?” She asked, her voice shaking ever so slightly.

“In the same way as when I stopped it from killing you at Haven… Although I am stronger now. The mark was bestowed upon you buy the Orb of Fen’Harel. My orb.”

“ _You’re_ Fen’Harel?” Caedri interjected, still nursing his hand, but his gaze now directed at… the Dread Wolf.

“What’s the Dalish curse? ‘May the Dread Wolf take you.’” Solas said, Aphre laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

“And so he did.” Her words cut with anger, it was palpable.

“I did not. I would not lay with you under false pretences.”

“But you lied to me. I _loved_ you. What a Creator’s damned fucking _fool_ I was. Did you not trust me? Was I not _good_ enough?” The venom in her words pained Caedri, he couldn’t remember a time when she had been this angry, she had never really been given cause.

“Ir abelas, vhenan.”

“Tel’abelas. Don’t you dare fucking call me that again. Ma harel lasa, I trusted you and you _lied to me_.” Her teeth gritted, jaw clenched as she spoke, Caedri could only watch on as it unfolded before him.

“Only by omission.” His face now filled with sorrow.

“Ma lasa banal’ghilana!” Caedri winced at her words.

“What would you have had me say? That I was the great adversary in your people’s mythology?”

“I would have had you fucking _trust_ me.” She shouted, nearly screamed, as she took a step closer. The intensity in her gaze filled the air, Solas simply shook his head, the eerie quiet taking over.

Solas explained the creation of the Fade, the destruction of the world of his kind because of the Evanuris. Aphre remained silent as Caedri probed him for questions, at once sentence, Aphre could no longer contain herself.

“I will save the elven people. Even if it means _this_ world must die.” Though the anger boiled in her veins, her vision still red, sorrow began to take over, in her own anger she forgot that her brother was still tangled up in all of this. She hoped she may be able to reason with him, to put her anger aside to _try_ ,

“Solas, whatever you want, this world _dying_ is not the answer.”

“Not a good answer, no. Sometimes terrible choices are all that remain.”

Finding out that Corypheus had delayed Solas tearing down the Veil and destroying their world, it felt like a sick and cruel joke, the Creators were not known for this level of cruelty. However, she was stood in front of a self-proclaimed god, that told her everything she knew about her own people was wrong, so what did she know? Solas’ next words struck a blow deep within her, she had suffered poisons, deep wounds, fractures and breaks, but _nothing_ had ever hurt as much, had cut as deep, as Solas’ words.

“It was like walking through a world of tranquil.” His words pained Caedri, too, but nowhere near as much as it clearly affected Aphre.

“We aren’t even people to you?”

“Not at first. You showed me I was wrong… again. That does not make what must come next any easier.”

“You never cared about us. We were the means to an end.”

“You were people, and you deserved better… like all the rest I have used in one hopeless battle after another.”

Solas’ claims that he took no joy, that what he was doing was painful to him, did not sit well with Aphre, in fact she didn’t believe him at all. Caedri was still struggling to take it all in. He claimed not to be a monster, yet to Aphre he had become one, only wearing the skin of the man she loved. Her attention changed in a heartbeat, to her brother.

“There’s still the matter of the anchor. By the looks of it, it’s getting worse.”

“I know, vhenan, and we are running out of time.” His words were still directed at her, despite her brother being the one with the mark. As he finished talking, Caedri cried out in pain, green flashing in the corner of her vision, he doubled over, holding his hand, falling to the ground once more. Aphre couldn’t have felt more helpless. “The mark will eventually kill you, Caedri. Drawing you here gave me the chance to save you… at least for now.” Seeing her brother in this pain, her own anger faded away,

“Solas, var lath vir suledin.” The helplessness thick in her voice, she was _pleading_ , pleading for her brother’s life.

“I wish it could, vhenan.” His expression appeared pained, Caedri cried out once more, his eyes flashed blue as the magic worked over Caedri’s hand. The world had become too bright for Aphre, she could barely keep her eyes open, unless her gaze was focused on Solas, “My love,” He said quietly, closing the gap between them and putting his hand behind her head. He kissed her, and she let him. The kiss was slow, and filled with sorrow, he pulled away, leaving Aphre wanting nothing and everything from him. “I will never forget you.”

Those were the last words either of them heard from him. The two walked through the eluvian, returning to the Winter Palace, feeling the pain deep within them. A friend, a lover, both had lost something that day, something that could never be quite fixed, something that would leave a hole that never truly heal.

 

Caedri did not see Aphre in the days following. In between the talks with the Exalted Council and deciding the fate of the Inquisition, he didn’t have much time to spare, and when he went looking for her, she was nowhere to be found. He spoke quickly with Dorian about the issue, asking him if he could try and look out for her, Caedri said he couldn’t explain the situation fully right now, ‘there’s not enough time’, but when they could be alone, he would make the effort. He just wanted to know that she was alright, they shared a chaste kiss before Caedri returned to his duties.

Aphre had never had much time for politics or exchanging niceties with diplomats, or the nobles so arrogant that any elf they saw they assumed was a servant. She only left her quarters in the Winter Palace when necessary, sometimes to visit the tavern, but after seeing Solas the only time she left was at night, taking out her anger and frustration on the training dummies, leaving her knuckles bloodied and bruised. She didn’t want to see anyone, have them tell her what Solas was or wasn’t, what they thought of him, their relationship, she wanted nothing, not even from her friends, not even her brother. The thought of any of them probing her love life, _former_ love life turned the bile over in her stomach, it made her sick and sorry at once, and she couldn’t stand it. So when a knock came at the door, she was tempted to throw the one knife she kept on her at full force. But the days of self-inflicted confinement had started to get to her, she had to talk to someone, before the isolation smothered her.

“Come,” She said, using all her strength to keep her voice level, to make herself heard. She was expecting to see Caedri, but to her surprise Dorian walked through the door.

“I came to make sure… well, to make sure that you were still alive.” Dorian started, still stood by the door. “Your brother worries, you know. He always worries, but now more than ever. I think you should talk to him.”

“Because you know what’s best for me?” She said derisively, staring at him directly. Dorian saw the redness in her eyes, she’d been crying, a lot. Caedri told him that he had never seen her cry, that she simply _never_ cried, Solas truly had broken something within her, taken a part of her. Dorian saddened, but kept maintained his countenance, the last thing Aphre wanted or needed was pity.

“He is your brother, I know how close the two of you are. You cannot bottle this up, Aphre, it will do you no good.” He continued, the edges of his voice tinged with concern. Aphre sighed, diverting her gaze downwards towards her sore and scabbed knuckles.

“He doesn’t have the time, Dorian, you and I both know it.” She replied listlessly.

“He will make time for you, he always will. Another thing, it hurts more to have your heart broken by someone who loves you than by someone who doesn’t.” Dorian spoke quietly, before he retreated through the door, shutting it with a soft click. Aphre was alone once more. Her stomach growled, when had she last eaten? She couldn’t remember, but she didn’t have the energy to move, or care enough to, she simply continued staring at her knuckles, running a thumb over the healing wounds, and let the silence surround her.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian reported back to Caedri what he had found of Aphre, and having asked around their companions, he also learnt something of value from Blackwall. He had witnessed her at the training dummies, she was full of anger, he’d said, hatred even, as she punched them continuously, not letting up until blood spotted the floor, until her arms hung limply at her sides. As a mage, it clearly wasn’t for her to practice her abilities, it was sheer and pure emotion fuelling her. This concerned Caedri deeply, she had always been the stronger of the two, stoic and steady, always there to help anyone who needed it, especially her brother. Has she always been like this? Is this what she does behind closed doors, when she thinks no one is watching? The concerns raced through his head, sending his own paranoia and anxious feelings upwards, had he just never noticed her suffering? He had to do something about it, anything. He marched over to her quarters, and knocked on the door when he arrived, he heard her invitation, allowing him entry, and he took it.  
“Caedri, I thought you had meetings and conferences, I-“ she started,  
“They can wait. Aphre, we haven’t talked about what happened, about Solas.” He spoke, he saw her wince, wince at the mention of her lover’s name, the woman that hadn’t winced when her arm was reset after being broken badly in combat. He looked at her more closely, and what he saw frightened him. Dorian had said she wasn’t well, but he didn’t expect this. The colour had drained from her, a sallow imitation of the golden skin she usually possessed, but her eyes were what truly terrified him, they were lifeless. She looked like a person that had given up on everything, the passion that brought her eyes to life had gone, Creators damned, he would have preferred the bloodcurdling anger to this. This was a shell of a person, the shell of his sister. Solas truly had broken something in her, it filled him with anguish to see her like this.  
He ignored the heavy feeling in his stomach that her appearance caused, and sat on the edge of the bed next to her, supporting himself with his remaining hand. “Aphre, please talk to me. It’s consuming you, please.” He pleaded, he wanted to reach for her hand, clasp it tightly in reassurance, but the closest hand was no longer there, so he stayed still.   
“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s over, he’s gone.” Her words were listless, uncaring.  
“You know that isn’t true Aphre. He hurt you, you can’t just pretend it never happened.” Caedri’s words clearly had some kind of effect on her, as when he looked over at her again, tears had begun to roll down her cheeks, she took a deep breath in before letting herself talk.  
“I don’t understand, not any of it. He’s what, a god? Why did he bother with any of it Caedri? I can understand helping you, that served his own interests, but why me? Why anyone? He didn’t care about me, he never cared so why bother? Was it a sick joke? A plan to make me care about someone other than you? To love someone other than you? To find out we were no better than tranquil to him, that we’re just dirt beneath his feet, because his people are far more important, even though they destroyed themselves. He used me, he took everything from me, my vallaslin, my first love, and I let him.” Those last words wrenched from her body, her face contorted into an expression of agony as her body racked with heavy sobs. “I wasn’t good enough for him, I was too weak, I wasn’t enough, Caedri. The first person I ever loved, and he took it all.” Her hands were at her head, nails digging into her scalp as she continued to sob. Caedri moved close enough to hold her small frame, the sobs shaking his grip as he held her.   
They remained like that for some time, Caedri didn’t speak, allowing Aphre to let out the emotions she had held in all week. Caedri had had Dorian to turn to, but she had denied herself any form of contact, she needed this, and Caedri would have done anything for his sister.  
“It hurts so fucking much, Caedri. Dorian said he cared but how could he have done?” Her voice plaintive.   
“He didn’t take everything from you, Aphre. You are an independent spirit, you have always been proud of the fact, ruled by no one, owned by no one, Solas didn’t change that. You are indomitable, always have been, by the Creators you always will be. As for what Dorian said, he’s right, he cared about you, I saw how he looked at you when we were in the Crossroads, he was pained by what he had to do to you, Aphre.” Caedri said calmly, loosening his hold of her so now that only one arm encircled her.  
“But he did it anyway, Caedri, how much could I have truly mattered?” She shook her head before wiping her eyes, the backs of her hands coming away shining with tears.   
“You’re still focusing on his presence in your life, Aphre. I know how it feels to love someone for the first time, I know that it’s consuming, but he does not control you, or own you, you must see that.” She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, sighing heavily, and Caedri gave a reassuring squeeze on her arm. “I managed to survive, sister, you will survive this too.”  
“The vallaslin, you know what they are now Caedri, I do. I feel unclean without it, he took a part of me, a part of our culture that he doesn’t understand.”   
“The vallaslin? Slave markings? Good. Let them know we were slaves, let them know that we fought for our freedom. Better a slave that fought for his freedom than become a coward vessel for a cursed god.” His words rounded with anger, she knew what Caedri desired most, and that he had told Solas everything. Caedri dreamt of restoring the Emerald Knights, bringing back even a fraction of the elves’ former glory, and working towards being recognised as equals to humans, Solas had listened to him, Solas said he understood. But that was before he revealed himself for what he truly was: a liar. Caedri felt bitter at the thought that he considered Solas a friend, and even more bitter at what he had done to his sister. May Fen’Harel take you Solas. May he consume all that there is left within you, for you have consumed all my sister’s strength and my trust, he thought to himself.  
“I want the vallaslin back, Caedri.”   
“We can make that happen, Aphre. When this is over, we can return to our clan for a while, your vallaslin will be returned.” He said, smiling across at her. He hadn’t agreed with Solas taking away her vallaslin in the first place, but it was not his decision to make, and he would support her in all that she did, to the end of his days. “But for now, you need to eat, we can go to the tavern, if you’d like.”  
“Give me a few minutes, I can’t leave looking like this.” She said, Caedri’s arm fell from her side as she stood up and made her way to the bathroom, she washed her face with cold water, focusing on her eyes to try and reduce the redness around them. She would have tied her hair up, but keeping her pale blond locks over her face was in her best interest right now, though the sensation was unusual for her as she always had her hair tied up.   
She walked back out to see Caedri stood by the door, he smiled when he saw her return. In the short time he had spent with her, some of the colour had returned to her face, he would have said she still looked unwell, but the golden hues were beginning to creep back into her cheeks. He hoped that he had helped her in some way, he liked to think that he had. Returning the smile, she walked back over to him and took his hand, “Caedri, I- I did need this, ma serannas.” Her words were sincere, she kissed him gently on the cheek, before opening the door and walking into the courtyard of the Winter Palace.


	3. Chapter 3

The pair walked through the gardens, making their way to the tavern that their companions frequented, its most frequent customers being Sera, Bull and his Chargers. Aphre’s hardened exterior returned the moment she stepped out of her room, Caedri thought it was slightly unnerving how well she was able to conceal all the emotion that had poured out of her only minutes previously, but he remained silent.

On their walk, Caedri noticed glances and whispers from people they passed, Empress Celene had put the blame on the Dalish for the events of the Exalted Council, and therefore the blame fell heavily by association on the Lavellan siblings. Even though Celene could not state outright that she believed Caedri and Aphre to be the root cause of all that had happened since returning to the Winter Palace, it was not difficult for it to be insinuated. After all, Caedri was the one with a mark from Fen’Harel, and Aphre was the one that fell in love with him. The ‘evidence’ that Celene needed to spin rumours around the two elves had practically been handed to her on a gleaming silver platter. Caedri knew that no one would dare argue with her on the subject, least of all the Orlesian subjects, for what did they care about the fate of a race they considered to be lesser than themselves? The whole thing made Caedri sick to his stomach. Though the Exalted Council was not quite over yet, and even with Josephine doing everything within her power to repair what had been damaged by Caedri’s abrupt dismissal of the Council in the first meeting, Caedri could see they were losing ground to the Orlesian sickness that descended from a certain type of arrogance. Something was going to give, but knowing precisely _what_ would crumble first was something that he could not foresee, and it terrified him, just as much as seeing Aphre this way terrified him.

As pressing as he knew all of these concerns were, at the forefront of his mind was Aphre. While Josephine, Cullen and Leliana – despite being chosen as the new Divine – could help with the fate of the Inquisition, Caedri was the only one who was truly able to help Aphre, he was the only one that she could put trust in, and right now she needed him a lot more than she could ever admit. Taking her to eat food seemed a small gesture to Caedri, but knowing that she had ignored her hunger for the past few days, eating was something she needed to do, and it was the first step towards some recovery.

Sera, who had initially taken a nonchalant interest in the Dalish pair given their heritage, had slowly become friends with the pair. Aphre found Sera to be greatly entertaining, and spent a significant amount of time with her planning pranks and jokes on the other members of the Inquisition, against Caedri’s behest. So for Aphre not to seek her out immediately was worrisome to Sera, they hadn’t seen each other in a considerable amount of time, with Sera returning to Val Royeaux to work with the Red Jennies and Aphre continuing her duties at her brother’s side. She almost didn’t recognise her as she walked in to the tavern, only because she was with Caedri did Sera make the connection,

“Bloody balls! It’s you!” Sera exclaimed in the direction of the siblings, throwing her weight off the table and standing up straight. Her sudden exclamation had drawn the attention of other people in the tavern, but the only ones that held their gaze were Bull and Krem. They hadn’t seen much of Aphre in the past few days either, but they made the choice to remain quiet, Krem swallowing nervously as he looked at her, not that she had looked at him.

He couldn’t quite work out what it was about her that made him so uneasy and nervous. She was beautiful yes, but that was all he could say about her during the Inquisition given her relationship with Solas. Such an admission to himself that he found her _attractive_ felt inappropriate, and he internally cursed himself for it. To a stranger, she would just look a stern and uncaring elf, but to those who knew her better than that could see the tiredness in her features, as good a job she did of disguising it. Nobody had heard much about what happened in the eluvians, while Bull had travelled with them for a while, only the Lavellans themselves had gone through the final one, and seen Fen’Harel in the flesh.

Or at least that was the rumour.

Nobody had confirmation of what had truly happened that day, he guessed that those closest to them had been informed, and that they’d done a good job of keeping it quiet. As much as he wanted to find out, he knew that option was more than just unlikely, it wasn’t like Krem had a particularly strong relationship with either of them, as much as he wished that had never been the case. They were good people, good people he’d never had the fortune of getting to know properly, unlike Sera.

“I’m sorry about baldy bloke, I know he meant a lot to you.” Sera said, her voice now registering at a lower volume, knowing the information was personal, and the wound it was tied to was still open.

“Thank you, Sera,” Aphre replied, her voice soft, though her expression remained unchanged.

“Whenever you’re up for it, I’m thinking more pranks, yeah?” She said, her tone playful and her eyes bright with all the devilish potential they normally contained.

“I’ll let you know,” Aphre winked.

“Oh, gods, not again.” Caedri huffed, exasperated.  Sera cackled at his response,

“Settle your tits elfy, wouldn’t want your magister to see you all hot and bothered. Or maybe you would, if you’re into that.” Caedri’s face began to redden as Sera spoke, before he could utter a reply she scurried away, to goodness knows where, to do goodness knows what. Caedri gave a small thanks to the Creators for Sera unsuccessfully convincing Aphre to join her in her pranks in this very instance, though he predicted he would be hearing complaints from Orlesian ‘tight-arsed’ nobles in a few days. The pair were an annoying force to be reckoned with when they set about their pranks, but to give Sera credit, their targets _did_ seem more like people afterwards.

Moving on from the cackling interlude provided by Sera, Caedri offered Aphre a seat at one of the tables, before taking his own opposite her. The noise of the other customers in the tavern set Aphre more at ease, the noise meant that at least some people in the room weren’t paying full and long attention to the two elves labelled the cause of the world’s problems. It meant they could eat in peace. They were offered menus by a meek elf servant that quietly shuffled to their table, politely bowed and retreated as quickly as they’d appeared.

Caedri attempted to strike up casual conversation with his sister, but her replies were short and strained. She’d never been the greatest talker, or the kindest, or most tactful, but she certainly had no objection to conversation before, especially not with Caedri. He could see that her last encounter with Solas had worn on every aspect of her being, she wasn’t whole, and every aspect of her life was suffering because of it.

He gave up his efforts when their food arrived, turning his attention to the plate laid before him by the same, timid elf as before. Aphre’s stomach growled loudly in response to the sight and smell of what was on the table, though she didn’t appear embarrassed by the fact as she simply began to pick at her food, eating what she could. As much as she didn’t feel like eating, she now felt that given food had been made for her and placed in front of her, it would be a waste, a selfish one, to not even try. There were elves in alienages that starved daily, and would have given anything for the rich meal that she was barely touching. There were other clans that were barely surviving because they had to keep moving for one reason or another; to not eat this food would be ungrateful of her. So she did her best.   
Caedri could see the effort each bite of her food took, he couldn’t tell if it was for his benefit or not, but it was clearly an obligation rather than an actual desire to eat. Caedri picked at his own food, he too didn’t feel too hungry, but with all the meetings still going on he knew that he would need to be at least somewhat alert to keep up with all the points and accusations made. Plus Dorian would notice, and he didn’t want to give him any more cause for concern, there was enough strain on the both of them, and Caedri not eating would have simply caused greater worry when they both had enough to worry about.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Caedri.” Aphre spoke, her words level and strong, if he’d closed his eyes he could have been convinced she was back to her normal self.

“Think nothing of it, sister. You needed this, to take your mind off… things.” Caedri replied, a small smile on his lips as he looked at her. Though he wouldn’t admit it outright, Caedri was pleased with himself that he’d managed to get Aphre out of her shell again, if only a little bit. He’d missed the way he’d been with his sister, they’d always had a strong relationship, they had always looked out for each other and never kept anything from each other. They were still honest, but since Caedri had gotten the mark, their relationship had altered dramatically, through no fault of their own. Being separated from her for such a length of time had pained him, and she had known, and therefore volunteered herself to go to the Inquisition, not only to report back to their clan, but to be there for her brother. Even then, with Caedri’s new title and responsibilities, and Aphre being given duties on the council and within the forces, the time they spent together became less and less. So being sat opposite her, having a _normal_ conversation like they used to, filled Caedri with joyful ease, and something that was beginning to feel like serenity.

So naturally, the feeling was not meant to last.

One of the Inquisition’s agents came up to the elves, and requested Caedri’s immediate presence in yet another council meeting, the agent made it clear that the matter was urgent, and Caedri’s attendance was mandatory. Frustration and sadness washed over him in equal measure, every day more and more gods damned _grief_ was added to his life. The moment that fucking mark showed up on his hand was the day he lost most freedoms and gained more obligations and rules to follow than he could stand, but what choice did he have?

He looked across at Aphre apologetically, but her eyes had clouded over, the expression on her face now one of resignation.

“It’s okay, Caedri,” She lied, “You have to go, I’ll be fine.” She lied again. _For once I’d like to not feel completely helpless_ , Caedri thought to himself.

“I’m sorry, we’ll talk more soon, I _promise_.” His words were emphatic, and Aphre knew them to be true, but that didn’t stop the tear in her heart from widening even further as she watched him get up and walk away.

She dropped her fork, letting it clatter onto the table, she then raked a hand through her hair, pulling it away from her face.

“Fuck.” She whispered to herself, too consumed with her own feelings to notice that Krem once again had his gaze trained on her.


	4. Chapter 4

Krem had watched the scene unravel, and he’d seen how upset the pair of them had looked about what the Inquisitor had to do. He could have sworn that every day the pair looked more drained, and with more and more rumours surrounding them both coming out, he wasn’t surprised they looked that way.

He deliberated greatly in his head whether or not he should go and sit with Aphre, who looked more and more forlorn with every passing moment. He braced himself and walked over in her direction, clumsily pulling out the chair evacuated by Caedri, the sudden noise drew her attention up to Krem, who was now decidedly blushing a beautiful shade of pink.

“I… uh,” Krem spluttered, “Is it alright if I sit here? It’s not right for a lady to sit alone.” He added, giving a false and entirely unconvincing justification.

“Of course, Krem,” She replied with a polite nod, tucking her hair on both sides behind her ears. As he sat down, Krem realised that the only times they’d spoken had been in the tavern, surrounded by the other Chargers. So to be sat opposite her, in what some people would consider a date setting, made Krem sweat through his armour. “How have you been?” She asked calmly, in a way that suggested she was feigning interest.

“Good!” He started, far too enthusiastically, his voice rising to the female register he did his utmost to disguise, not that she didn’t _know_ , it was more an issue of internal conflict than one of Aphre being perturbed, nonetheless he was mortified. “Good,” He continue, making a concerted effort to lower his voice, “Chief has been a bit stressed out about all the qunari agents around, being Tal-Vashoth and all.” Aphre smiled at him,

“Krem, I asked how _you_ have been, not how Bull has been.”

“Right, of course,” His words were bashful, he scratched the back of his head. “There’s not much to tell, I’m not a very interesting person.”

“Oh, that’s a lie!” Aphre exclaimed, “You travel across Thedas under the command of a former Qun agent, you falsified Tevinter military documents which almost got you killed, and you say you’re _not_ interesting?” She raised an eyebrow at him, “Regardless, having tales of fancy isn’t what makes someone interesting, it’s how they engage with other people, the way they talk and treat strangers. So, you are _far_ from uninteresting.” She told him, causing a small smile to settle on Krem’s lips.

“I’ve been good,” He admitted to her, “Though sometimes the whole ‘living as a man while not being a man’ is… frustrating. Knowing you’ll never quite _be_ what you want to, honestly, it hurts.”

“But Krem, you _are_ a man. I’ve seen manly women and effeminate men, and it is no one’s business but their own how they want to be addressed by others. You know you’re a man? That’s all that matters. In the same way that no one can tell someone who they should love.” She said, stabbing a boiled potato that was on her plate and biting into it. Her words lightened the feeling in his chest, the smile widening, reaching his cheeks,

“Wow, thank you, I- I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s no need to say anything, if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you,” He said again, “Really, Aphre, thank you. Enough about me, how have you been holding up? I’ve, well, I’ve heard rumours but-“ He stopped himself as he saw her expression change,

“Maybe another time? The wound, it’s still a little too fresh.” It was the first time she’d openly admitted that fact, whether it was the fact that Caedri had helped her open up already, or how comfortable she felt around Krem, she couldn’t quite tell. Though she had a distinct feeling it was a combination of the two.

* * *

 

“Empress Celene, the Dalish are not at fault, here. Do you not think it unfair to blame and marginalise an entire group of people because of the actions of a minority?” Josephine asked, her words diplomatic and unassuming, as they always were.

“But who else is there to blame, Lady Montilyet? Corypheus is long dead, and the rumours of an old god being behind all of this is exactly that, _rumours_.” Her words were sharp, Caedri cursed the stubbornness of the Orlesians, there was nothing that they would ever compromise on. _Fucking Orlesian sensibilities, all the frills and ceremony you’d think they all had rods up their arses,_ he thought to himself. His thoughts were continually interrupted by Celene’s continued, monotonous yet carefully planned attack on the Dalish. She _knew_ that no one would argue with her on the subject, not simply because she was the Empress but the Dalish were always used as scapegoats by the humans, it was the easy way out for them, _it’s almost as if none of them have brains, and they certainly aren’t capable of individual thought._

Caedri’s internal monologue continued alongside Celene’s external one, barely paying attention to her words, though he could feel his anger rising with every word of hers he caught. He failed to believe that Celene was still _talking_ , her continued onslaught, battering his people and their culture in the most ruthlessly effective and persuasive manner. Josephine looked on helplessly as the empress continued, Caedri, however, was not one to appeal to diplomacy and etiquette, _especially_ in a situation like this. He stood up abruptly, his chair making a cacophonous sound that echoed around the chamber as it scraped backwards on the marble floor. Shocked by the sudden discordant noise, Celene fell silent, and all eyes fell on Caedri,

“I think it’s rather funny that you have the audacity to blame the Dalish, Empress Celene, don’t you? We are honest people. Orlais is a morally bankrupt empire with a poisonous witch at its head, and its insidious ways mean your ‘friends’ and ‘allies’ will stab you in the back if you offered so much as a sliver of power. You claim to be a devoted follower of the Maker and Andraste, yet you are a shining example of everything she opposed, you go against _everything_ she ever stood for. With someone as such expansive knowledge as yourself, you seem to forget that the elves fought at her side against Tevinter, they were _allies_ , and _you_ give us no credit despite everything we did for your people, and every way your people have stood on _us_. You erased us completely from your precious Chant of Light, _destroyed_ our homeland, and now you try to blame us for something a fucking god did? The god known as the deceiver. His name is a curse amongst our people, we hold no love or reverence for him. If the Maker turned out to be nothing more than a human mage, the elves would not utter a word, your filthy pride and self-importance would silence us then, too. You think we would declare war on you? Raze your cities to the ground, murder your families because your useless god turned out to be a piece of shit? And do we conveniently forget what you have already done to us, allowing your elven lover to murder a clan, before allowing a demon to massacre the rest? Burning the slums in their entirety so you could keep your pathetic grasp on the throne? So do not dare blame us, or I will make sure the Dread Wolf takes you first.”

His speech was emphatic and impassioned, and it held the concentration of everyone in the council. He didn’t bother to look across at Josephine, Leliana or Cullen, he simply left, having said all that he could, and leaving the empress to stick together the pieces of her wounded pride.

“Did you see her?”

“I did,”

“And? How did she look?”

“She is hurting, but she is hiding it well. Though she cannot hide the rings around her eyes, I doubt she has slept much, lately.”

“I appreciate your candour, you may now take your leave.” Solas said to the messenger, and so they did. Since Aphre had been at the Winter Palace, he’d had several agents watch over her, see if she was in any danger, to see how she was faring, especially after their last conversation. He couldn’t run the risk of seeking her out himself, he almost dreaded to think what seeing him again would do to her, and what she would do to him. He sighed deeply, _I have done this to her, this is all on me, but what choice did I have?_ He told himself as the guilt wracked through him. He loved her, he did, but what choice did he have? He had to save his people, _had_ to, even if it meant losing the one that meant the most to him. The thought tore him up inside, to lose her would-

He remembered their first kiss, the first time he laid eyes on her, he had fallen completely and hopelessly in love with a mortal, against all reason or will. With her, the world changed. A small part of him hoped that her and her brother could prove him wrong, prove that this world _was_ worth saving, worth living for. If anyone in this world could change his mind, it would be


	5. Chapter 5

With the Inquisition disbanded, and Dorian, now his fiancé of sorts, soon to be returning to Tevinter, Caedri felt hollow. All that he had fought for was slipping away from him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Their days in the Winter Palace were numbered, before they continued on their search independently, to find a way to impede Solas on their own terms. Despite the future holding great purpose for him, he couldn’t help but feel emptied out, everything was changing so quickly before him, and all he could do was watch. Though she would never say it, and he would never admit to being wrong, Caedri’s outbursts during the Exalted Council had been a catalyst to the ultimatum the Inquisition faced, though once again he took the decision into his own hands and declared the Inquisition disbanded himself. The unfettered machinations of the Inquisition worried Ferelden, and Orlais would have simply seized control of the organisation, making it their own personal army, so Caedri didn’t regret his decision, but now that it was done, something about his choice sat uneasy in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn’t work out exactly what was causing it.

Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of sorrow washed over him, it was _over_. In that instance, he simply felt like bursting into tears, and had Aphre or Dorian been with him in that moment, he couldn’t say whole heartedly that he wouldn’t have. Instead, he walked with feigned purpose to his room, craving the privacy and silence that his own four walls provided. The Inquisition had been his life, his purpose, for the past three years, and in one fell swoop it was all gone. Did he miss the power? The title? The reputation? Was he really that _vain_?

No.

None of things were true, he knew it, the sadness of the situation was just overwhelming him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, behind all of the emotion that pounded at his brain, he knew the overriding reason he was so upset about the Inquisition disbanding was that he would _miss_ the way things were, as insane as that sounded. The camaraderie, his _friends_ , and soon his life if they could not stop Solas. It would all be _gone_. He burst into tears, feeling utterly and uncontrollably helpless, Solas was going to kill them all, rip their world apart to bring back his own people who tore themselves apart from the inside. And yet he believed, _wanted_ to believe, that he could stop Solas, change his mind, that the man he’d known was still in there, beneath the callous exterior of Fen’Harel that he wore. But all of it seemed out of reach, he’d done so much, he’d saved the world, but he wasn’t sure if he could save it again.

* * *

 

Aphre had been catching up on the sleep she’d missed, as fitful as it was, she slowly began to feel more rejuvenated, though she ended up sleeping at all hours, catching hours here and there. She’d also been spending more time with Krem, a charming man, she thought, although entirely different to what she was used to, he was a shem, after all. She knew Caedri would tease her mercilessly for her choice in men, as he always had, but then again she did always _hit_ him for his remarks, if he insisted on making them, she would continue her… retaliation.

Dorian had learnt to never get in the middle, or even try and intervene, in any of their bickering, as it _always_ resulted in them shouting at him instead, with murderous looks in their eyes. So, in aid of self-preservation, he left well alone, yet stood within earshot because their arguments were so _entertaining_.

The memories came as a pleasant distraction as everything continued to go to, well, _shit_. The Inquisition disbanded, Caedri simultaneously upset and steadfast in his decision, Solas _still_ wanted to destroy everything they knew. So it was safe to say that things weren’t looking _good_ for the pair; the memories were welcome, but also a bitter reminder of what they were losing.

Lying back down on her bed, she waited for sleep to take her, the realm of dreams was far more interesting, and far _easier_ , for Aphre. She was a Dreamer, meaning she could manipulate the Fade, shape the realm around her to her will. Her power drew demons to her, but they were no temptation to her only really a minor inconvenience as she had never felt the pull or desire to go along with their noxious pacts.

Sleep was finally beginning to become easy, the past week she had improved drastically, the hollow emptiness that had consumed her was easing back into the passion she’d had before, albeit passion on the verge of anger. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, wallowing in her own weakness, she’d begun to turn her attention to the pressing matters at hand, most importantly helping her brother. However, when her spirit travelled to the Fade, she was free of her obligations, her worries, she could go anywhere she wanted, often she chose to return to her clan, to see her family. In the last few days she had begun to explore other avenues, searching for the god who called the Fade his home. She had been unsuccessful, although she thought she could _sense_ him, they’d spent enough time in the Fade together to know what his aura was like, and she thought she’d _almost_ had him.

Though apparently, she needn’t have tried. For Solas already had eyes on her.

He had been told by various spirits of her appearance in the Fade, all giving varied reports on the same theme: that she was unlike most people they had encountered, that in fact she was quite like himself, in some sense. She was kind and patient to them, and the spirits called her their friend, and hearing that made Solas’ own spirit grow bright. But the temptation to see her grew with each conversation, the _ache_ , he wondered if she felt it, too. He had tried to muster the courage previously to talk to her himself, to let him _see_ her again, he thought it both strange and yet unsurprising that she elicited this reaction in him. She was the only one who ever had been able to, a _mortal_ , of all things.

He had watched as she created the scenery of her home around her, her clan, it seemed. While part of him believed that he was invading something private of hers, he couldn’t help but feel that he should know about her home. She meant so much to him, and so to see a glimpse into the life she had before, was interesting to him. There were few that he had known whose lives had not been recorded and recited as mythology across the ages, and so to see something as impermanent as her clan, made the world seem fragile. Yet Aphre felt wild and unchanging, a force much bigger than the surroundings she existed in, much in the same way her brother did. The pair were unusual, and even he could not quite put his finger on what it was.

His eyes fell onto her after following her surroundings as they formed around them both. In any other instance, she would have been able to sense him, had he not been making an effort to disguise the impression of his spirit from the vicinity.

And then he saw her.

The breath disappeared from his chest, frozen to the spot, he could only look at her, the woman he loved. The Fade gave a slightly altered version of reality, according to the person, especially in a Dreamer’s realm. She looked ethereal, almost like Mythal herself, and had he decided to take her with him, she truly would have become a goddess. That thought punched through his chest, he could have taken her with him, saved her this pain, made her his equal in the only way she hadn’t been previously. Her pale blonde hair was down, a style that she rarely ever wore, the new length was far more visible when not tied up, it seemed to frame her jaw perfectly. Her skin glowed, the natural hue enhanced by the magic surrounding her, and she looked, _content_. Perhaps she had already moved on, after the way he treated her, he was in no position to blame her if she had, but it hurt to think about.

“Vhenan,” He sighed deeply, at his words, birds flew out of the trees, and at the interruption of the silence, Aphre’s head snapped towards the source. He only had a moment to appreciate her wariness, as much as he enjoyed his time in the Fade, he knew that there were always dangers, especially as a Dreamer, and she did, too.

Her eyes set on him, the golden brown irises molten as she took in what, _who_ , she was seeing, in her own dream. How had he gotten here? It shouldn’t be possible. Then again falling in love with the Dread Wolf shouldn’t have been possible either, yet here they both were. Her gaze seemed to be cold and burning all at once, the contradiction reflecting the state of her emotions. Did she _want_ to see him? “Vhenan,” He said again, his expression softening ever so slightly. “Ir abelas.” His voice carried impossibly across the distance between them, sending shivers down Aphre’s spine.

“Garas quenathra?” _Why are you here?_ Her words were pained.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Ma harel.” _You lie_.

“Vhenan, I care about you, more than I should, and I always will.” He assumed his sincerity had got through to her, partially at least, as her eyes no longer held the same fiery vehemence as before.

“Ir abelas, vhenan.” Her voice low, words solemn. He took a moment to embrace the fact that she had called him vhenan, she _did_ still care, he allowed a smile to form on his lips, before the everything turned to black around him. When the world righted itself, he saw that he was still in the same place, the camp of her clan, but after searching for her spirit, he found that Aphre was no longer there.

“Var lath vir suledin.” He said out loud, to the space where she had been. _I won’t give up on you._


	6. Chapter 6

Some weeks had passed since the disbanding of the Inquisition, and everything seemed to return to normal, as normal as Caedri’s life could be, considering everything. Life may have seemed normal for the ambassadors and allies of the Inquisition, they were finally able to return to work, albeit on a much smaller scale, but that meant freedom, there were no rules or strings for them to abide by or tiptoe around. Things for Caedri, however, had only gotten worse. Dorian had returned to Tevinter to take up his duties as magister, though he was free to talk to his amatus through the crystals the pair possessed. The conversations did little to alleviate the pain that clawed at Caedri’s heart, for Dorian couldn’t _see_ the tears streaming down his cheeks as they spoke, he only heard the false, cheery voice that Caedri put on, to assure Dorian that he was alright. He always glanced at the ribbon Dorian had given him, and the promise that it represented, that they would be together, that Dorian loved him enough to want to be together _forever_. Thinking of their future smothered the sadness that rushed through him. One day they would be together, and nothing in all of Thedas would separate them.

Aphre could see the listlessness in Caedri, it was written all over his face, his words, the way he carried himself, though nobody else seemed to see it. His anguish was plain as day to Aphre, then again, she had known him all his life, with the pair of them spending little to no time apart across their lives, so it was natural for her to notice his more nuanced emotions. She did everything she could to be there for him, said everything that she could muster despite feeling hopeless and disillusioned with love herself. Caedri was her brother, and she would do _anything_ for him, yet through everything she said, nothing appeared to do much good, she knew he was more openly emotional than she was, and more sensitive, but there was only so much she could do. Seeing her brother like this angered her, the anger directed at Dorian for leaving in the first place. She knew he had a sense of duty, just as she did, but he _knew_ what leaving would do to Caedri, what it was _doing_ to Caedri, and still he went. To see her brother this hopeless pained her as well as worried her, she wanted to do something for him but in between all their responsibilities, she had so little time for anything.

Given the nonstop nature of their lives due to the added responsibility and pressure with the loss of the Inquisition’s forces and agents, outside of their duties the Lavellans spent very little time together, often being too exhausted to do anything other than sleep once the day was through. Sleep did not come easy for either of them, with Caedri missing the warm embrace of Dorian, the reassurance, the feeling of safety, and Aphre’s dreams being filled with demons masquerading in Solas’ skin, taunting her incessantly.

As a Dreamer, demons were drawn to her a great deal more, the power they possessed over the Fade meant there was a greater chance of receiving passage to the real world. But before, the demons had nothing to hold over Aphre, she had no real weakness to exploit, sometimes they took Caedri’s skin, but they were never very good representations as they knew so little about him, as a rogue he didn’t care much for the Fade. Solas, however, they had a great deal more information, he was a preeminent figure in the Fade, and now in reality, too. So they wore his skin, different demons taking different approaches to try and deceive, scare, and lure her into doing their bidding. At first, they were wholly unsuccessful, their attempts flawed and pitiful, but each time they came back, their performances became more and more convincing, leaving her to wake in a cold sweat, gasping for breath as their venomous and vindictive words swept over her. She told herself that everything that had been said to her was lies, insidious lies to hurl at her until she broke and gave in to their whims. But she didn’t believe it, Solas himself had lied to her, hadn’t told her why he had left, and maybe it was falling through the cracks. The faces became so real that she began struggling to tell if they _were_ Solas. She thought she had seen him in her dream back at the Winter Palace, but how could that have been? Why would he have come looking for her? Why would he have apologised? Was that in the demons’ plan all along? Was it in Solas’?

She had almost become afraid of falling asleep, as she knew what barrage of treacherous and ruinous words would face her when she returned, from someone who might or might not be the person she loved. Either way, her feelings were being exploited by someone, and there was nothing she could do. The more she tried to discern between the ‘demons’ and ‘Solas’, the more the two seemed to coalesce as she doubted further the man she loved, had she really known him at all? At first, she had been able to disguise the torment that the visions caused, but as exhaustion began to take over, the less she was able to cope. She knew that if things continued the way that they were, the demons would soon win. She knew she should tell Caedri, but she couldn’t bring herself to, even though she couldn’t fight this alone.

The Fade appeared around her, the surroundings forming slowly until it became a landscape she recognised, Haven. She looked around nervously, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw she was alone. The snow fell in heavy flakes around her, falling and making her already pale hair even paler. She had never actually been to Haven herself, only in the Fade, where she had shared her first kiss with Solas, back when things had been hopeful between them, when her heart was whole. Despite the memories, the place itself was beautiful, the serenity that the scenery possessed set her more at ease, she wanted to be alone.

Aphre had evaded Solas over the last few weeks, either she was not in the Fade or when he could sense her, she was nowhere to be found. He had tried his best to care less about her, after all, he was the one who insisted that emotional entanglement would have benefitted neither of them, he was the one who had ended it, who had broken her heart. Yet every time he sensed greater fear within her, anguish, distress, she was terrified. Something was happening and he couldn’t reach her, the more he had tried to separate himself from her, the more he found himself drawn to her, _wanting_ to find her. What had happened to him? He was a god, an immortal being, one who was going to tear her world apart so he could bring back his own people, he had made the choice to leave her because of this, but he still found himself looking out for her. It defied all logic, everything he had said to her the day he saved her brother, but the pull toward her was something he was unable to ignore. It frustrated him to feel this powerless, he, a _god_ , had always felt in control in this realm, he was able to traverse the expanse with ease, yet she was _stopping_ him somehow. She truly was indomitable. His head snapped up, suddenly alert, _she’s here_ , he thought, though he sensed no desolation from her, only quiet. He began to walk, the Fade transforming around him, recasting itself into a terrain familiar to him, the village that he had taken Aphre to: Haven. There were visible inaccuracies in what he saw, but seeing as it wasn’t his recreation of the village, but instead Aphre’s with her limited exposure to the place, it wasn’t surprising to him. There were far less features to be seen here than in the real place, though Haven had been razed to the ground by Corypheus and his dragon, so the point was moot.

He saw her walking amongst the empty tents, between the small wooden homes that the villagers so graciously allowed the Inquisition to use, to the building that Solas was always to be found in front of. He shrouded his presence from her, only to see another version of himself appear around the corner of the house, he felt the fear rise around him immediately, before he was even able to process his own confusion. He could tell whatever spirit that currently took his form was not here by Aphre’s design, her terror told him that much. Was she afraid of him? He watched in silence, the malicious intentions oozed from the spirit, his body tensed, he knew Aphre was more than capable of defending herself, but he couldn’t help himself from worrying. He inched closer to where they were stood, now within earshot of the two.

“Vhenan, I” It said, he saw his own face soften as it looked at her.

“Don’t, don’t say it.” Aphre’s voice wobbled, it was a struggle to make her words sound forceful. Suddenly, the expression changed, the eyes clouded over, a second voice appearing over Solas’ own.

“You dare make demands of me?” It hissed, “I am a god, you are _nothing_. A creature for me to play with, crush between my fingers when it suited me best, I took all I wanted from you, a struggle is so fun but you gave me everything willingly! You pathetic mortal, do you think you mattered? Do you think anything you ever did _ever_ mattered? You think you have a semblance of power over me, you are more wrong than you could ever believe.” It stepped towards her and gripped her by the throat, pulling her towards itself. Solas expected her to fight back, but she put up nothing, tears simply streamed down her face as she choked out the words,

“I’m sorry… Solas. Ma ghilana mir din’an,” _Guide me to death_.

“No.” Solas gasped, an urgent panic setting in as he raced towards her, his eyes glowing a brilliant blue. Her choked sobs grew louder as he drew nearer, she was one of the strongest spirits he knew, for her to be like this, she must have been hounded, _tortured_ by his image. He put all his power behind the spell he cast, eviscerating the spirit, in any other instance he would have preserved it, but as it attacked the woman he loved. Sorrow coursed through him as Aphre fell to her knees, taking down gulps of the air she needed, her hands at her throat. Solas knelt down beside her, waiting for her to get back her breath, Aphre saw the movement out of the corner of her eye as she turned her head to look at him, shying away from him so quickly that she would have fallen backwards had she not stuck a foot out to catch herself. Her face turned to terror as she looked at yet another Solas,

“What do you want from me?” She shouted, her voice hoarse.

“Demons have been hounding you, parading as me, I cannot apologise enough for the pain they have caused you.” He said to her quietly.

“Bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” Her voice failed her as she tried to scream at him.

“It’s me, vhenan. This is the place where we first kissed, and when we spoke of it in Skyhold, you remarked that it ‘doesn’t count if it’s Fade-tongue.’” The fact he relayed was something a spirit couldn’t have known unless they were told directly, and he very much doubted that she would, and seeing the fear in her eyes dissipate told him that he was correct in his assumption. She stood up slowly, Solas following suit,

“What do you _want_ , Solas. Did you not take enough from me?”  

“Hurting you was never my intention, Aphre. I care about you.” She scoffed bitterly at him,

“I believed you the first time, not anymore.”

“What can I do to prove to you that I’m not lying?”

“I always find telling the truth goes a long way.” Solas opened his mouth to speak, she raised a hand, silencing him. “You come to Skyhold tomorrow, and you give me an explanation. If I don’t see you, I’ll know that I’m right.” She said sternly, he could see the slightest shiver in her body as she spoke. She disappeared before his eyes, leaving him alone in the derelict village, the snow still falling thickly, masking her footprints, as if she hadn’t been there at all.


	7. Chapter 7

Leliana had employed the Chargers for a short while, using them to discretely to take care of select ‘inconveniences’. The fact meant that Bull and his crew would be staying in Skyhold, a detail that pleased both Krem and Aphre. The two had found that they got along incredibly well, far better than either of them had expected given their lives were at a complete contrast. Though Aphre noted herself that the same could be said of Caedri and Dorian, and _they_ had fallen in love, so she tried not to think on it too much, and instead simply enjoy his company.

Caedri liked to try and mock her for Aphre’s constant presence at Krem’s side, making jokes about falling for a shem, to which Aphre would point out that was exactly what her brother had done. He fell into a reluctant silence at her retort, wanting to fire back but knowing that he had nothing more to add. She would always wink at his failed attempts to rile her, which only served to rile _him_ , soon enough he gave up trying. While Caedri’s words were teasing, Aphre couldn’t help but ponder the possibility of him actually being a right, a concept she would _never_ admit to her brother. Yet the more time she spent with Krem, the more she thought she felt for him. And though her heart still cradled the wounds Solas had left, she saw something bright and hopeful whenever she looked at the man, and she couldn’t help but smile. All of these thoughts existing within her at once brought great personal conflict and indecision. The feelings she held for Solas were still so _raw_ , and though she _wanted_ to allow herself to care about Krem, she was drained emotionally. She knew full well she couldn’t give him the affection that he truly deserved, not for now, anyway.

Her body was racked with nerves as she thought about the ultimatum she’d handed Solas the previous day. She hoped that he would follow through, give her the explanation she rightfully deserved. Yet a sliver of her didn’t want him to show his face, to prove her right, that he didn’t care, that he was a _monster_ and nothing more.

She wanted to work off the nervous energy that held her its prisoner, restraining her limbs, her mind. Her tongue was thick in her mouth, she knew if she were to talk to anyone, especially her brother, they would know something was wrong, and they’d pry her with questions. Questions she couldn’t answer. Not now.

So she confined herself to her room.

She let the hours pass silently, attempting and failing to occupy her mind with various tasks. Reading, practicing spells, her focus drifted, she could only concentrate on the thought of _him_ , it angered her to be so dependent on him, to hang on his every last word as if she were drowning and only he could save her. She hated what he had done to her, what she had _let_ him do to her. Instead, she prayed. Despite all that Solas had told her, her faith was the one thing he couldn’t take from her, it was the unwavering part of her that had seen both herself and her brother through the darkness. It was one of the few things that kept them standing. Despite this, from time to time it pressed on her mind that she had fallen in love with a god, _lain_ with a god. The trickster god, the one their clans warded themselves against, the one that was the focus of the cautionary tales they told their children, the one thought to be a curse, a _blight_ upon his own people as well as hers. She _loved_ him. It brought a lump to her throat to think about. She had betrayed her clan and her people by falling in love with him, and if he asked her to go with him, she wasn’t sure she would be able to say no.

As weak as he made her feel, to know that she was insignificant to him, a mortal. He had said she had opened his mind to seeing mortals as more than tranquil, that she had surprised him, that she was unlike anyone he had ever met. She wanted to believe him, but how could she when he was the god forever branded by his deceit? Yet, in the face of all of this, he had lain with her, caressed her, held her, _loved_ her, and lost her. He had given himself to a mortal, and told her that she had changed everything. In a sense, she had. In a sense, it had changed nothing at all. She would still suffer the same fate as the entire world when he tore the Veil to pieces, so how much could she have actually mattered?

She became so absorbed in her own thoughts that time passed her by without notice. Hours slipped away, the sun dipped below the horizon, allowing the moon to show her face, bathing her room in a silvery light. The noise and bustle outside her room was no more. In the half world, nature seemed dead, the silence deafening.

She stood up slowly, her knees protesting as she did, making her wince. She didn’t know how long she had been knelt on the cold, stone floor, but the stiffness in the joints told her it was long enough. She glanced out the window, the milky incandescent light of the moon cascading over her, she averted her eyes downward, away from the supernaturally bright celestial body.

“Sorry I’m so late, it was the only way for me to make it through here unnoticed.” His voice was stark against the hush of her room. She jumped out of her skin, shoulders shooting upwards, her heart seizing, along with her legs. Her hand smouldered blue as magic flowed to her fingertips, her breathing heavy. She turned slowly to face him, when her eyes fell upon him, she found herself breathless.

His heart leapt into his mouth as she rotated to face him. In the pale moonlight she looked exquisite, intangible, so splendid that it pained him to look at her, but he couldn’t look away. “You deserve an explanation,” he managed to say, “But the truth is not something I can offer, vhenan.” Aphre said nothing, but the frosted light emanating from her hand guttered out abruptly, before returning stronger, fiercer, than before.

“Then why are you here?” Her voice monotonous.

“Because you need to know that I care. What I have to do is not your burden to bear, I wouldn’t allow it to be.” The magic from her hand disappeared again, tears began to sting her eyes. His eyebrows knotted with sorrow, he stepped towards her, closing the distance between them, he could have sworn he heard a low whimper escape her lips. He brushed his hand across her cheek, “Know this, vhenan, I have never seen a soul as bright and beautiful as yours. In another lifetime, none of these terrible things would have come to pass, and I would _never_ leave your side.” His voice wobbled as he spoke. “My biggest regret is that… is that we didn’t have more time, but the memories we shared are forever cast in my mind, and they make what I have to do so much harder. I’m sorry vhenan.”

With those last words, he fell to his knees, he wrapped an arm around her waist, the other gripped on to the back of her shirt. His head rested on her chest, facing towards her arm, he could feel the pounding of her heart, heavy against his ear. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, his eyes clamped shut in an effort to stop the tears that threatened to fall

She cradled his head in her arms, resting her face on its peak, she let her tears fall freely. Every place where his body touched hers burned, it seared through her body. She pulled him closer. She traced a hand across his jaw, to his chin, tilting it upwards to face her.

“Stay. Just, just one more night,” her plea barely more than a whisper. His eyes gave a silent agreement,

“After this, you won’t see me again, vhenan. You must let go, you need to.” She nodded, before he stood up and captured her lips in a kiss. A bittersweet gesture, one that would be imprinted on them forever.

 


	8. Chapter 8

By the time the sun cast pale and buttery hues through her window, Solas had gone. She couldn’t work out what time it was, but gauging the bustle and activity that buzzed from behind her door, she assumed it must have been mid-morning at least. She gently pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, wiping away the sleep, bringing greater clarity to her vision. She gave a cursory glance into her mind’s eye, looking at the events that had happened only hours before. Whether it was just the light she could see, or her own emotions tainting the memory, everything was a shade of blue. But it was no longer something she wanted to think about. She was done with him, she had to be.

She climbed out of her bed, ignoring the unkempt and crumpled sheets. When she had first arrived at Skyhold, she had insisted that the elf servant Josephine had assigned her needn’t bother. She didn’t want anyone in her servitude, especially not of her own kind. Though in that moment she wished someone would come to her room and take the sheets away, a reminder of the mistake she’d made, sheets that bore his scent, she’d burn them if she had to. Her clothes lay piled on the floor, she’d burn those, too. She pulled on a set of Dalish robes, the feel of the fabric a comfort to her, it reminded her of home, and she knew the traditional nature of the outfit would have given Fen’Harel great discomfort to think about. _All the better for me to wear them, then_ , she thought to herself, adjusting her foot wrappings before leaving the room.

Meandering slowly down the hall, she saw the servant that had previously been assigned to her. Guilt racked through her, but she needed the sheets _gone_. A hand on the slender arm, and her friend looked up at her, smiling politely,

“Niala, I hate to ask,” she bit her lip, “But could you possibly change the sheets in my room? I… I spilt something on them,” she hated lying to her, but how could she tell her, or anyone, the truth?

“Of course, Aphre! It is my job, after all,” Niala replied with a smirk, bowing slightly before walking away toward Aphre’s room. Something in Niala’s eyes had unnerved her ever so slightly, the servants didn’t tend to ask many questions, simply complying to orders unless they felt something truly needed reporting. Yet remembering that Fen’Harel had spies in the Inquisition made her wonder if any were still around, and if someone she considered a friend was one of them. The knowing look in her eyes aroused her suspicions, but there was no way to prove anything. Aphre pushed aside the thought and continued through the door into Skyhold’s main chamber.

Her stomach growled in protest, she’d done a good job of ignoring it previously, but she allowed her legs to carry themselves to the tavern. The closer she drew, the louder her stomach grumbled, spurred on by the appetising smells that wafted into her nose, she could feel her mouth begin to water. As soon as she crossed the threshold, the smells grew stronger, and the pain in her stomach greater, so she made a beeline for the bar, the sooner she got some food in her, the better. Not long after she ordered, a voice called for her,

“Hey, Aphre! Come sit with us!” Bull exclaimed, his voice probably louder than he intended, she groaned internally. She loved the Iron Bull, the Chargers too, but the last thing she felt like doing was having to look Krem in the eye, especially with what she felt for him, and what he felt for her, she felt _guilty_. She turned to face them slowly, giving the qunari a sheepish smile, her body tensing when she saw Krem’s lips spread into a warm smile as he looked at her. The way he _looked_ at her, as if she was someone to admire, she’d rather see disgust on his face. She didn’t deserve the affections of a man like Krem, a good man, she deserved no less than what Solas gave her, she was monstrous, just like him.

Her legs once again unconsciously carried her in the direction she knew she should be walking, a gap in the circle of the Chargers appeared next to Krem, accompanied by a few snickers from the other men. A blush crept onto his face, Aphre felt like the embodiment of guilt as she sat next to him, she wanted to scrub her skin raw, she was defiled, polluted, _filthy_ , and everyone knew. She wrapped her arms around herself, fingers digging in to her arms as she forced a smile onto her face, Bull made attempts to converse with her, her replies quiet and small, unusually so for someone usually so forthcoming and confident. The arrival of her food was a small mercy, interrupting the painfully awkward conversation, and giving her excuse not to reply. Her stomach rolled again, causing her to grimace slightly before tucking into the food balanced on her lap. The rest of the Chargers chattered amongst themselves, occasionally drawing Aphre into the conversation, mostly on issues that simply required a nod or shake of her head. She ate slowly, and didn’t finish the food on her plate, she had long since felt full, but with all the eyes watching her eat, she made a greater effort to seem normal, as if her eating habits hadn’t decreased and become more sporadic over the past month.

Seeing how much food was still left on her plate, concern grew within Krem, he could see that the more she ate, the more the bites became an effort. It concerned Bull, too, but neither of them said a word, knowing Aphre was a proud woman, and to talk about their concerns in front of so many people would be humiliating. A waitress came and took the plate away, Aphre gave her a small thank you as the platter was taken from her hands. To make herself seem more like her usual self, she adjusted her body language accordingly, arranging herself in a more languorous manner. A hand rested on the bench between her and Krem as she leant back against the wall, she willed her face into a calm self-assuredness, and did her best to engage in the conversation they were having.

Her presence next to him sent electricity through Krem’s body, making him grateful of the plate armour he was wearing, though there was nothing he could do to disguise the redness in his cheeks, or the occasional wavering in his voice. He could tell something was off with her, her eyes seemed less bright, not that he’d been _staring_ , her smiles seemed less genuine, and her conversation was strained. He wanted to ask what was the matter, but he didn’t feel as if he was entitled to, or worse, if he did ask and she just turned around and refused to answer? But given all that she and her brother had been through, he couldn’t blame her for her behaviour, she’d been the same in Val Royeaux, all those weeks ago. She hadn’t appeared to improve since them, his concern grew, yet he felt powerless to do anything, he was too _nervous_.

Eventually, conversation had become more natural, and the passing of time no longer seemed agonising to her, and soon enough, the light faded and the sky took on a deep blue complexion. Caedri walked through the tavern doorway, his eyes searching for his sister, and though he couldn’t see her, he heard the melodic and familiar sound of her laughter. He rounded the stairs and found her sitting amongst the Chargers, he loosed a relieved breath as his eyes fell on her, it had been almost two days since he had last seen her. He knew she had been in her room, but finding her door open and the room empty when he checked again, he grew concerned, but the unease melted away seeing her there.

“Aphre, can I talk to you?” He asked politely, “Sorry to take her away, important… elf stuff.” He improvised poorly, Aphre looked up and raised a disbelieving eyebrow, but seeing the look on his face made her concede.

“I’ll see you all later,” Aphre said, standing up and walking towards her brother, she glanced back at Krem and smiled before walking away with him. “What was that for?” She asked her brother quietly.

“You might not have noticed, Aphre, but you practically disappeared for two days, I was concerned.” Caedri admitted. Aphre sighed, he wasn’t _wrong_ ,

“What about this ‘important elf stuff’ then? Come on, Caed, you can do better than that,” She tutted.

“Oh, right, _that_. I do really want to talk to you, the elf stuff? About us, we are elves, after all.”

“That’s an original thought if I ever heard one,” she retorted, earning a small noise of annoyance from her brother.

“It worked, alright? So stop complaining.” His reply was light hearted despite the choice of words, had had led them to one of the more open, grassier areas of Skyhold’s grounds. He sat himself down on the turf, gesturing at Aphre to do the same, she made no argument or protest. Interacting with nature and the world around them gave the siblings a small reminder of home, and it brought them great comfort, though she still wondered Caedri’s purpose in bringing her here. The grass brushed at her fingers, the familiar feeling set her heart at ease, “A lot has happened in the weeks since we’ve been here, a _lot_ , and… we haven’t really talked about it, any of it. I know it’s painful for you but you don’t have to face this alone, neither do I. We have each other, always have, and always will.” His voice was soft, his eyes filled with understanding, she shuffled closer, and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Ar lath ma, brother,”

“I love you too, Aphre.”

“You’re right, you know. We tell each other everything and well… I haven’t been the most forthcoming in recent weeks,”

“Which I don’t blame you for, what happened to you would hurt the strongest of people, and it did,” Aphre sighed in response.

“He’s been in my dreams, Caedri.” She stated.

“I’m not surprised, he would be in your thoughts, he had an impact-“

“No, I mean he’s actually _been_ in my dreams,” she interrupted, “On more than on occasion.”

“Oh, _oh_. Why didn’t you say anything?” There was no anger in his words, only concern as he looked over at her.

“At first I couldn’t tell it was him, so many demons have been disguising themselves as him, to try and possess me.”

“ _Demons?_ Fucking hell Aphre! Demons have been stalking you and you _still_ didn’t say anything?”

“You and I have a very different relationship to the word ‘demon’. I’m a Dreamer, they don’t tempt me. It was just… painful to see them wearing his face, saying things that he had said to me, things that he hadn’t, it was awful. Then he killed one that… that nearly got to me, and when I knew it was him, I demanded that he give me an explanation,” she paused, “in person.” Caedri’s eyes widened,

“He was _here_?” He hissed, his voice quiet and full of disbelief, Aphre nodded, and seeing the sadness in her eyes, he was able to calm down. She needed him to be calm and rational, and so he was, “Did he explain, then?”

“No. He, he said he couldn’t. He apologised for everything, but that was all, really. He told me I should move on, of all people who have the right, _he_ is not one of them.”

“As much as I’d rather not admit it, he’s right. You need to move on, Creators know you deserve better than what he gave to you. You deserve love, a love that lasts, and I think you’ve already found it.” He replied, with a hopeful smile.

“Krem is a good man, too good. Seeing him today after being with Solas, the way he _looked_ at me Caedri. He cares so much, I felt awful.” She admitted, her words allowing Caedri to piece the picture together, she and Solas had done more than just talk, and she felt _guilty_. But the fact that her thoughts had turned to Krem immediately after he spoke of love told him that she was headed in the right direction. Krem would be good for her, he thought, and she would be good for him, _may the Creators guide them_. “This is getting too sad, I’m _tired_ of being sad, Caedri. Let’s talk about something brighter, like your engagement to a certain magister.” Caedri smiled warmly, “I spoke to him before he proposed, you know. He was terrified. He seemed to appreciate the Dalish tradition, not common in Tevinter, apparently. I’m happy for you Caedri, after all you’ve been through together, you deserve this.” She lifted her head from his shoulder and laid down on the cool grass, her hair fanning slightly around her. “While you may be apart, you’re both under the same sky, seeing the same stars and moon.” Her words were wistful, Caedri beamed before lying down next to her and taking her hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

“This reminds me, of what I really wanted to talk to you about,” Caedri started, “I want leave Skyhold, and travel. We haven’t had much, if any, time to ourselves in the past five years, Aphre, we deserve some time to do what _we_ want.”

“That sounds like a good idea to me, when were you thinking of leaving?”

“At the end of the week,”

“Right, and have you decided where you want to go first?”

“No.”

“Have you even packed?”

“Not really.”

“It truly is a surprise you get anything done sometimes, honestly Caedri.”

“That’s what I have you for,” He remarked.

“That you do, _da’len_.” Aphre threw back, Caedri laughed. For the first time in a too long, the two of them felt hopeful for the future, they felt content.

“We could go to Denerim, visit King Alistair, we do need to talk with him, or the Emerald Graves, or Tevinter, Antiva, Nevarra. We can go anywhere we want, no obligations, we can just _leave_.”

“I like the sound of that,” Aphre admitted, squeezing his hand. They spent the rest of the night talking about all the places and people they wanted to visit, things remembered from previous journeys, taking in the beauty of the stars above. All at once their bond grew brighter, stronger. In that moment, they felt indomitable. Anything they faced, they would face it together. They fell asleep under the stars, for once feeling no weight on their shoulders.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets NSFW towards the end, so be warned! I'm not used to writing smut, and honestly it's not that explicit, but still kinda explicit. I wanted to find a balance that I was actually comfortable with writing, and I think I did. I hope you enjoy regardless.
> 
> This was a very important scene to write, not only for the characters themselves but for its representation. Trans men can be sexual beings, too, it seems be something that people either skim over or simply don't want to mention. Krem is a great character, and honestly I wish he'd featured more in the game than he did, so here we are.
> 
> Thank you for still reading this story of mine, I appreciate it greatly!

The Lavellans were woken up early the next morning by a scout, sent by a concerned Cassandra. At some point in the night, someone had draped a blanket over the pair, each of them held their suspicions as to who it had been, but said nothing. A number of people stared at the elves as they walked by, but continued about their business with no real confusion, stranger things had happened within Skyhold’s walls, after all. Despite the niggling aches that bothered them, it was a familiar sensation, one gained from living as a Dalish elf. Oddly enough, it made their yearning to return home even greater. Caedri’s stomach rumbled loudly,

“Time for food,” He said groggily, sleep thick in his voice. Aphre yawned before standing up, the blanket slipping off her onto the floor.

“Food it is,” she held a hand out for Caedri to help him up. Though he was getting used to life with one hand, there were still certain tasks he struggled with, an unspoken understanding between the two dictated that Aphre knew when he needed help, and she gave it without question or concern. He was still adjusting, that was all.   
Though there were other places to get food in Skyhold, they only ever seemed to go to the tavern. A constant smell of alcohol seemed to permeate the place, but they liked it there, the people, the food, it was a welcoming environment. As with many people that frequented the tavern, they had become ‘usuals’, meaning those working there knew what they wanted at any given time, and all they had to do was sit down at one of the tables.

Their food was swiftly delivered, and the two ate and conversed freely, feeling at ease in each other’s company. When their hungers were sated, with Aphre eating more than she had done the previous evening, the two left, with Caedri given strict instructions to _pack_ , the threat of his sister checking in on his progress looming over his head. They would leave in two days, having narrowed down the options for their destination, something they would discuss further before they left at Aphre’s insistence.

Much to her surprise, Caedri had actually packed, though it took far longer than she anticipated it would. She checked over the contents of his pack, having her own mental checklist and making sure there was nothing important, and nothing unnecessary taken. They then set about informing Cassandra of what they planned to do, with Aphre working through most of the details that Caedri had not accounted for, which was a surprise to no one. The two of them set about deciding exactly where they were going to travel, with the help of the others in tracking the distances, best routes and time that it would take them. They settled on Denerim first, then up to Tevinter, and then to their clan. After that, they would most likely return to Skyhold, the place they now called home. They loved their clan and missed it dearly, but they had been away for five years now, made new friends, settled into the rhythms of life there. Even without the consideration of Aphre’s wellbeing, she imagined staying with her clan would not be conducive to her own healing in the long term, with the statues of Fen’Harel boring into her wherever she went. It was simple, really, Skyhold was their home now.

All their preparations took longer than Aphre had anticipated, most of the day passing them by while they planned in the war room. With no constraints or real obligations forcing them to keep working, the two retired from the war room early and returned to the tavern for a celebratory drink, finally having set their affairs in order. The sun had dipped low in the sky, its umber colours burning into the landscape as it disappeared further into the horizon.

Caedri was a big believer on starting on the hard liquor first, it had almost become tradition for the two to begin drinking with a shot of whatever was most caustic in the bar’s selection. Aphre’s careful selection of the table meant that a certain lieutenant was in her line of sight, allowing the two to pass short, coy glances at each other with relative ease.

“Will you two just kiss already?” Caedri said a little too loudly, he never had been very good at holding his drink, and was he ever the chatterer when drunk. She knew she was approaching dangerous territory with him here. It took her a moment to register what he’d actually said.

“What?” She said in disbelief,

“The poor guy has been fawning over you since you first got here! He’s got doe eyes that could rival yours, and _that’s_ saying something. Sometimes you’re not as subtle as you think you are,” He replied, head resting on his remaining hand as he looked across at her. “In all seriousness, I know the memories of Solas are fresh, _really_ fresh, but just talk to him! And if you talk to him anything like the way you _talked_ to that egg the other night, you’re sure to have a good time,” His words were accompanied by a wink, and a resounding groan from Aphre. “You know I’m right,” He sang, grinning inanely at himself. He _was_ right, she wouldn’t say it to him, but he was. She couldn’t let the memory of a man who no longer cared, and was no longer a part of her life stop her from living it. She gathered her courage and stood up, stool deliberately scraping along the floor, sending Krem’s head snapping in her direction. She notched an eyebrow and tilted her head towards the door before walking towards it, hoping that he got the message. The alcohol buzzed through her brain, giving her the confidence she knew she would need. She didn’t dare turn around, in case he hadn’t followed her, heart pounding out of her chest, she waited.

Moments, that seemed like hours, later, she heard the chinking of armour moving in her direction, until it stood right beside her. She breathed a small sigh of relief, allowing herself to slowly turn and face him. The sun had not yet disappeared from the sky, the final blaze of colour making itself known before disappearing completely, washing them in the plethora of colours. Looking at her, Krem had to remember to tell himself to breathe, she was so beautiful, and she wanted _him_. He still couldn’t work out who had gifted him so, she had been with a god, a literal _god_ , he was a son of a tailor, and a fugitive in his own country. He was nothing by comparison. If that wasn’t making him feel bad _enough_ , he would never be able to give her a family like someone else could, like Solas could, if that was what she wanted.

“You… uh… called?” His words were awkward and uncertain, he scratched the back of his neck, and left his hand there, waiting for her to respond.

“I did,” She replied tersely, cursing herself for her sudden loss of words. She couldn’t remember a time she’d been this nervous, not even with Solas. Instead of desperately trying to search for words that weren’t there, she did the one thing that came to mind, she kissed him. Krem was taken aback by the suddenness of her movement, her lips suddenly pressed against his own, it didn’t take long for him to return the kiss, hands moving to her waist. The heat and intensity between them grew, until Aphre pulled away breathlessly, her cheeks ever so slightly flushed pink, her lips parted. Her hands found his on her waist, removing them gently, keeping her grip on one of them before leading him away from the tavern, towards her room. As they departed, a cheer rose from in the tavern, a cacophonous sound made by more people than either of them were comfortable acknowledging, followed by Caedri’s voice exclaiming bluntly, and obscenely, what his sister and Krem were going to do.

They walked to her room in silence, her hand still holding on to his, proclaiming silently to everyone who saw them that there was at least something between them. The door clicked shut behind them, their desire filling the room, an unspoken wanting that passed between the two. “You’re going to have to help with that armour, I really don’t know what I’m doing,” She said with a wide smile, her voice light, setting some of Krem’s own worries at ease. She helped as she could, unbuckling and pulling loose segments of his armour, letting them drop unceremoniously to the floor. Soon enough, he was left in nothing but his underclothes, feeling rather exposed. He wanted to cover himself, his chest with his arms, but something in Aphre’s hungry gaze stopped him. She began to unfasten her own clothes, the various fabrics pooling on the floor around her, until they were both equally exposed. Her hands moved to his undershirt, toying with the hem before pulling it up, and over his head with the help of Krem lifting his arms. He heard her breathe in sharply, her eyes wandering up and down the entirety of his torso, the desire to cover himself returned as the bandages that bound his chest were now exposed, revealing him for what he really was. She grew still, fixated on _something_ , he couldn’t quite tell what, he waited for her to say something, anything, to ease his anxieties, or confirm them. Her thumbs ran gently along the softly chiselled lines of his muscles, “Those abs,” Krem could breathe again, “are to die for.” She whispered before flicking her gaze back up to him, seeing the relief in his face, she couldn’t help but kiss him, asking more from him this time. She pulled herself away once more, leaving them both wanting for so much more, she looked down at his chest again, “Do you mind if I take it off?” She asked gently, and when he shook his head, she began to work on the bandage, unravelling it slowly, allowing Krem to breathe easier and with greater difficulty all at once. In return, she guided his hands to her own undergarments, allowing him to unclasp the material that kept her own chest covered. It was as if at every turn, she knew exactly what would make him feel self-conscious, and she would remedy the situation. Though looking at her like this, he saw things decorating her body that were… unexpected to say the least. First, there appeared to be some kind of tattoo on her ribs, entwining itself in between her-  
Before the first thought had a chance to scatter his thoughts, what he saw next did the job for him. _Pierced? Her?_ He thought to himself,

“Maker,” He breathed slowly. He was a lucky man.

She pulled at his hands again, turning so he was the one closest to the bed, before pushing him gently onto it, crawling backwards as she crawled on top of him. She began to kiss him again, harder, more intensely than she had before, Krem reciprocating with equal force. In between kisses she managed to say,

“This is new to me, you know,” causing Krem to pause, his body frozen in apprehension, _what_ was new to her?

“What- what exactly is new to you?” He asked.

“Well, I’ve never _slept_ with a shem- sorry, _human_.” She corrected herself while straddling him, his hands placed on her hips. His worries were once again assuaged, he was just overthinking everything, she wanted to be here with him, that should be enough.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” He remarked, smiling back at her, hands wandering up her back, sending a shiver through her body. She gave him a quick kiss, before she allowed her lips to wander mindlessly, roaming across his body with no sign of pausing. His neck, his _chest_ , arms, hips, stomach, even down to his underwear. His body truly was a temple to her, and she intended to worship every last inch of it. She gave him another glance, her eyes asking of him, but only if he was willing to give. He nodded slowly, swallowing drily, and with permission she tugged at the hem of his underwear. He lifted his hips, the fabric, and sock stuffed inside it, were discarded hastily, allowing Aphre to venerate _every_ part of his being.

He was desperate to reciprocate, to do something, _anything_ , but with her head between his legs, filling him with euphoria, he was paralysed. The movements her tongue made were _sinful_ , heat pooling more intensely, pushing him closer to the edge, Maker curse that tongue of hers. When he fell over the threshold, waves of pleasure rolled off him, her name on his lips, his hand in her hair, his breaths uneven as she pulled away to look up at him, a wicked smile glistening on her lips. She wiped her mouth before crawling back up his body, close enough to lay her lips on his once more. Though she drew him in, he didn’t hesitate in flipping her over, a small gasp escaping her lips as he did. He wasn’t very experienced, mostly out of fear of what anyone would say had they got this far, but Maker be damned he was going to do his best, she deserved no less. He did his best to emulate what she had done to him, and she certainly seemed to enjoy it, given her hands fisting in his hair. He put his fingers to use, reaching what his tongue couldn’t, causing an even greater reaction in her, until she reached her own peak, calling out his name, _his_ name, over and over.

He moved himself back up the bed, the pair wearing languorous smiles on their faces, eyes heavily lidded. Aphre was the first on to speak,

“Thank you,” She said, her words barely audible.

“You’re thanking _me?_ ” He rested a hand on her hip as he faced her, his thumb absent-mindedly caressing the skin it could reach. “I’m the one who should be thanking you,” He added.

“Well then, I guess we can both agree that we did something right,” She chuckled, kissing him gently on the lips, more affectionate, sweeter than the kisses they had shared before. Suddenly, the warm expression disappeared from her face, a shocked realisation taking hold instead. His heart sank in his chest, though he willed himself not to worry, he couldn’t help but feel nauseous as he looked at her. “Shit,” she whispered, “I forgot to tell you. Caedri and I, we’re leaving Skyhold in two days.” Her guilt was palpable. This time, Krem’s heart sank for a different reason, now sitting in the pit of his stomach.

“We can worry about that tomorrow,” Krem said, his voice assuring, though he himself felt far from assured, placing a kiss on her forehead, sweet and gentle. Aphre smiled at him, wondering to herself what she did to deserve the affections of such a kind man.

“You’re right,” She replied softly, glancing at him once more before closing her eyes, feeling his arm around her, pulling her closer. In his arms, she felt safe, and more peaceful than she had done since Solas had first left. A place she could almost see herself feeling at home.


	10. Chapter 10

Krem woke up, feeling as if he’d had the strangest dream, a dream that brought a blush to his cheeks. It had felt so _real_ , he had… Aphre had… he shook the thought from his head, it was just another fantasy, something that could never happen. He stared up at the ceiling, realising suddenly that his surroundings weren’t familiar to him. Alarm registered through his body, mercenary reactions threatening to set in, until something shuffled at his side. He turned to look and was greeted with Aphre’s peacefully sleeping figure, the blanket draped across her waist, he couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his lips. He brushed her silvery hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear, it twitched slightly as his fingers skimmed the pointed edge. Her eyes fluttered open, something in Krem told him to withdraw his hand hastily, but it remained on her face, grazing her jaw. She took a moment to allow the world around her to come into focus, as the sleep faded from her eyes, she saw her vision was filled almost entirely by Krem’s gentle expression. She smiled widely at the sight, she let her eyes flick across his solid form, placing a hand on his bicep, he was warm, and he was real.

Every time she and Solas had lain together, she found herself alone the next morning, the bed cold. In truth, she felt used, but she was sure he’d had his reasons. Though seeing Krem’s caring eyes, feeling the warmth radiating off him, she couldn’t see any real justification for leaving that didn’t entail duplicity, which fit perfectly with everything she knew about him.

“Morning,” He said quietly, voice low and raspy, wishing vehemently that he always sounded this way, this masculine. Aphre’s hand trailed down his arm slowly, a finger grazing his skin, tracing all the nicks and scars that she found there, before letting it slide off and hit the bed.

“Morning,” She replied, as she looked up at him, her eyes seemed to glitter, the light reflecting a thousand shades of liquid gold through her eyes, and with the light filtering in she seemed to glow. He skimmed his hand across the curve of her neck, across her shoulder, her golden skin shimmering slightly around his fingers, she was truly ethereal. She placed a hand on his cheek before leaning forward, and pressed her lips softly to his, and he returned the gesture. Waking up next to someone was unexplored territory for Aphre, yet here, it felt so familiar, and so right. For once, her heart and mind felt light, untroubled by the hurt in her past, she was simply able to _live,_ she hoped the feeling would last. As she kissed him, she felt tears begin to brim her eyes, but as they were already closed, she couldn’t blink them away. They pulled apart, and Krem saw the tears rolling gently down her cheeks, even then she looked otherworldly, his eyebrows knotted as he brushed the wet marks away. “Sorry,” She said quickly and quietly, “I just- I’m not used to this. Solas never… he never stayed, and to see you looking at me like that- sorry,” She repeated, words failing her. He felt saddened and angered by her confession, Solas had upped and left after he had slept with her? And he claimed to _care_ , he couldn’t believe it for a moment, if he had cared about her, he wouldn’t have missed waking up to her.

“I would never do that to you, Aphre. You deserve so much more than that,” He spoke soothingly, and in return Aphre offered him a sad smile.

“Thank you,” she breathed, resting her forehead on the top of his chest so he was able to rest his chin on her hair. He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her, in his arms, she felt secure. It was too soon for either of them to say what they felt was world changing, but the blossoming potential between them, given time, could well change their lives.

They stayed like that for some time, the only sound to be heard their breathing, until Aphre brought up the topic they both had been avoiding. “I’m leaving _tomorrow_ , Krem.” She stated, “Are we meant- how are we- _kaffas_.” She swore, Krem raised an eyebrow, a Tevene swear word? She must have noticed his expression as she quickly followed up by telling him the word was adopted from Dorian.

“It’s up to you, Aphre. The decision, if we… if we become something,” he hesitated, wondering if that was even what she would _want_ from him.

“That’s hardly fair, this is as much about you as it is me,” she started, “I want to give us a chance. I like you a lot, Krem, and I think that if we really want to make this work, then we can. We faced the end of the world, for fuck sake,” she laughed bitterly, “we’re resilient, and strong. Would you want that?”

“Yeah, a lot,” He replied with a smile, _could you sound less enthusiastic?_ He cursed himself mentally. “You’re right. If Dorian and Caedri can make it work, then so can we,” He added, sounding surer of himself this time.

“True, but it almost feels cruel, you know? We finally figure something out and our paths diverge. The Creators certainly want to test us,”

“They would never set anything they didn’t believe you couldn’t overcome. You’ve stood against everything you faced, you’re still here, Aphre. You are the strongest woman I know.” His words elicited a genuine smile in her, spreading to her eyes.

“Ma serannas.” Though he didn’t understand her words, the tone was heartfelt, and made him content. “I suppose I should find my brother, we intend to meet with King Alistair, to discuss Orlais and the treatment of elves across Thedas. As well as visiting nearby alienages, or what’s left of them at least.”

“Where else do you plan to go?” He asked, wanting to feel out how long she would be away.

“Tevinter, Caedri wants to see Dorian. We’re also going to return to our clan, with Dorian in tow. Now that they’re engaged, it seems right for him to meet our mother,” She responded with a shrug. Something tugged at Krem’s heart when she mentioned Tevinter. It had been his home, a home that he could never return to. She stretched out her arms, yawning widely as she did, she then proceeded to sit up, Krem’s hands slipping away as she moved. After she had pulled on her clothes, she turned around to face him, “Stay here as long or as little as you like,” she started, “perhaps we can… make a similar arrangement this evening?” She notched an eyebrow as she spoke, Krem smiled before speaking.

“I’d like that a lot. I’ll see you later then?” She bowed ever so slightly in response, the acknowledgement in her eyes, before turning back around and walking out the door.

Aphre woke up before dawn the next morning, Krem sleeping peacefully next to her. She didn’t want to disturb him, but if she wanted to give a proper goodbye, she would have to. She gently nudged his shoulder and said his name quietly, his eyes opened, and he took a deep breath in. “I guess you’re leaving then,” he murmured sadly, she nodded in response.

“I wanted to say goodbye before I did, and to let you know that I _will_ see you again. That’s a promise. I’ll send letters to Skyhold, Leliana will most likely keep an eye on where we are, so if you want to write back, she’ll know where to send it to.”

“I’ll do my best,” He said, before kissing her gently on the lips. “Try not to cause too much trouble while you’re gone.” He pulled away, smirking.

“But that’s half the fun!” She exclaimed, grinning broadly. “I’d best wake up Caedri, otherwise I doubt we’ll actually leave any time soon,” she climbed out of the bed, pulling on her battlemage armour, something she hadn’t had to wear in a long time. She looked dangerous, powerful, even more so as she strapped her staff to her back. She picked up her pack, slinging it over her shoulder, “Goodbye Krem,” She said softly, Krem replied with a phrase that Caedri had once told him, hoping that he would pronounce it right.

“Dareth shiral, Aphre,” He replied, _safe journey_ , Aphre’s eyes glistened, a sorrowful smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” were the last words he heard from her, before she slipped through the door. The door clicked shut, Aphre steeled herself, and made her way to Caedri’s room in the darkened quiet of the early morning.


	11. Author's Update

Author's Update: Hi guys! I know it's been a while, a long while, really. I haven't abandoned these stories! I am still very much invested in the characters and their journeys, I just lost steam towards the end of the summer, and now being back at uni it's harder to fit in time to write. But I promise that the unfinished stories here WILL get finished, they deserve that much. I also have many more exciting ideas, now it's just a game of being able to fit it around reading and assignments. Thank you for your support up until this point, and I hope I still have it in the future :-)


	12. Chapter 12

“Tevinter, finally,” Caedri sighed, “I don’t think I can walk straight anymore.”

“You’d better get used to it, Dorian’s going to be all over you like a rash,” Aphre retorted, smirking at her brother, he huffed a laugh.

“Too true, Aphre. Though today, I want to sleep.” He admitted. A wary looking attendant took hold of his mount, an imposing red hart, waiting for Caedri to dismount before leading it to the stables. Another attendant did the same with Aphre’s hart, also. Both of them had to make a concerted effort to walk at all, let alone walk normally, their legs slightly bowed, jaws clenched as they fought to disguise the searing aches in their thighs.

“Amatus, Aphre, it’s wonderful to see you.” Dorian’s voice lilted as he walked toward them, Aphre smiled warmly, Caedri’s heart stopped in his chest. He was frozen to the spot, simply watching as his love walked towards him, “You look pleased to see me,” He replied with a chuckle, pulling Caedri into a warm embrace.

“I missed you,” Caedri whispered into his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. “I missed you so much,” He grabbed onto him, wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he could. Aphre simply watched the pair, feeling bittersweet about their reunion. She was delighted that her brother and Dorian were finally together again, but she couldn’t help but feel a pang of loneliness as she watched them both, she had lost Solas, and couldn’t be with Krem. The pain became too much, she looked away. Dorian and Caedri shared a quick kiss, as much as Dorian loved a scandal, there was only so much of a display the people of Tevinter could handle at once.

“Aphre, my dear, how ravishing you look.” He said to her, pulling her into a hug of her own, his big, crushing arms enveloping her, his perfumed scent surrounding her. She smiled, she really had missed him.

“And how suave you look, Dorian! I’m hardly surprised, but I know you like to hear it.” She replied, pulling away so she could look at him,

“You know me so well,” He said with a wink. “You both must be tired. Come, let’s go inside, we can have something to eat and then you can rest. We have some catching up to do.” He continued, gesturing to the imposing building behind him. Awestruck, Aphre said,

“It certainly seems nice to be a magister.” They both followed behind him as he walked into the building,

“It definitely has its merits,” He replied, the room opening up the further they walked in. The interior was tasteful, and so clearly Dorian’s input, they admired their surroundings as he continued leading them toward the dining room. A long wooden table filled most of the room, perfect for hosting dinner parties. With only the three of them occupying the space, it should have felt hollow, and somewhat empty, but the three of them seemed to fill the area, uncaring of anything other than each other’s company. It was if they had never been apart. “Now…” Dorian started, “I’m dying to know what gossip I’ve missed out on since being away. I’m sure you two know _everything_.”

Dorian had shown Aphre to her room after they withdrew from the dining room, before he and Caedri retired to their own room. Caedri sat on the bed immediately, his muscles screaming any time he stood up, Dorian walked over to him, and sat beside him.

“How have you been amatus? It’s been too long since we last saw each other,” His words were gentle, waiting for Caedri’s reply. They had been apart for close to three months now, it wasn’t the longest they had been apart, that had been the two years after defeating Corypheus, but any time spent away from each other was difficult for them both.

“It’s been difficult, I can’t lie. But being here with you again makes it feel as though it’s all been worth it.” He admitted, leaning into Dorian, the heat radiating from his body embracing him.

“It has, amatus. _You_ are worth it,” He spoke gently, putting his arm around his love. “And what of your sister? I doubt you would have noticed it, it’s a necromancer thing, we’re generally more sensitive to life forces. But… I can’t quite describe it, her _aura_ , I suppose you could say, it feels different. I cannot put my finger on it, but something has changed since I last saw her.” Caedri’s eyebrows knotted in concentration, trying to think of something to fit in line with what Dorian had said. After some time, he shook his head,

“I can’t think of anything drastic,” he admitted, “She and Krem are now together, after all the coy looks and denial. They’ve been corresponding, and she cares about him a great deal. Could that be it?”

“Unlikely, otherwise it would have changed when she was with Solas. Maybe I’m sensing something that isn’t really there, it could be the case.” Dorian’s words were unconvincing to the both of them. It concerned Caedri greatly, was there something she was hiding? Or was there something she didn’t know about? He would have to talk to her soon, to see if Dorian was correct in his assertion.

“I’ll ask her tomorrow,” Caedri stated, “but for now, I think we should get some rest. Creators know I could use it.”

“Indeed, amatus. We can worry about everything else tomorrow. And I want to know everything about Krem and Aphre, Caedri. _Everything_.”

With his concerns about Aphre still plaguing his mind, he went to her room first thing, wanting to talk to her, to find out what exactly Dorian’s hunch was actually telling him. He knocked softly on her door,

“Come in,” he heard from the other side, so he did. Sat on the edge of the bed, she looked pale, sickly almost, her hands held in her lap, seemed to tremble.

“Aphre, are you alright? What happened?” He asked, rushing to her side.

“I’m fine,” She said slowly, wiping her hand across her mouth, “I threw up, I- I think it might’ve been the food.” She added, hand falling back into her lap. “Not used to that kind of food, or that many courses.” Caedri bit his lip, sitting on the bed next to her.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else?” He asked, pleading, searching for the true answer, hoping that if she knew, she would tell him. She took a shuddery breath in,

“I-” she hesitated, “I haven’t… _bled_ in two months, Caedri.” Her words filled the room, and suddenly, Caedri felt sick, too.

“You’re pregnant.”

The silence was unbearable.

He looked over at her, her face contorted as she did her best not to cry. Seeing her, he fell apart. She was terrified, and had every right to be. She took his hand, her shoulders shaking as silent sobs began to rack through her body. It was all the confirmation he needed. Neither of them were able to say a word, Caedri too shocked and Aphre too scared. _That’s_ what had been different about her aura, Dorian was right, as much as he hated the fact. As soon as the thought passed through him, Dorian appeared in the doorway, a horrified look plastered across his face as he looked at the siblings,

“Kaffas,” He said under his breath before striding over to them both and kneeling in front of them, taking their entwined hands in his own. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t even know what was _wrong_ , but it was clearly devastating, in truth he was terrified to find out. “Come here,” He said to them, standing up while still holding their hands. The sobbing pair stood up, too, and he wrapped his arms around them while they half-heartedly returned the gesture.

Aphre composed herself first, steeling her will despite feeling sick to her stomach. She pulled away from Dorian’s embrace so she could look at him,

“I… I’m pregnant.” Dorian’s heart constricted as the words registered in his ears. _Kaffas_ , he thought, no wonder they were both so upset.

“I know this isn’t what you intended. But you are stronger than you know, Aphre. If anyone, _anyone_ , can make it through this, after all you already been through, it’s you.” He placed a reassuring hand on her arm. The look on her face told him that she didn’t believe him, “Caedri and I will support you every step of the way, you’re not alone, never will be.” Caedri had finally calmed down enough to speak.

“He’s right Aphre. We’re here for you, _I’m_ here for you, I always have been.” He maintained his hold on her hand, squeezing slightly as he spoke. She nodded, more for their sakes than for hers. As much as she wanted to believe their words, the feeling of sickness wouldn’t abate, nor the buzzing in her mind as she realised, she would never be free of Solas.


	13. Chapter 13

They remained in Tevinter for several weeks before leaving, Dorian staying behind a little longer to finish some business that he and Aphre had started. As a magister, he was the one in the position to pull the strings, the one with the influence to make what she wanted _happen_. She hoped that he was successful, they all did.

The siblings had begun to make their way back down toward the Free Marches, to find and meet with their clan, that was last seen on the eastern border of the Marches. Simultaneously, they were excited and nervous to return. So much had happened in the years they had been away, they were especially apprehensive regarding Aphre’s involvement with Solas. She wasn’t sure how they’d react given the rumours and whispers that had bled across all of Thedas, and she didn’t know _what_ the rumours detailed. There were too many variations to keep track of, people telling her different versions of _her_ life, _her_ relationship, all wildly far from the truth, but none of them had the right to know the truth. Yet the response from her clan, the people she considered family, from the Keeper herself, instilled a fear in her that followed her like a grim shadow.

Caedri received a message from Dorian, letting him know that he had been successful in his mission, giving Aphre a reprieve in her constant sensation of unease. They had heard that the clan had moved further west, from Wycome to outside Starkhaven, meaning that their journey would be blissfully shorter. They crossed into the Free Marches using the small border that the country shared with Tevinter, and then used the main highway for the rest of the travel, making life a lot easier for the pair. Aphre had kept in touch with Krem in the time they’d been apart, very much avoiding the issue of the child that she was now carrying. She wanted to tell him in person, but the longer she was away, the less likely that avenue became, and the bigger the predicament grew. Though in their correspondence, Krem told her that the Chargers had started taking jobs again, though where, he hadn’t said. She prayed that it was nearby, she was desperate to see him again.

Despite the fact that very few people appeared to recognise them, or acknowledge them on their travels, Aphre began wearing more loose fitting clothes, shirts mainly, the more her stomach began to swell. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself, she didn’t want anyone else to know until she could tell Krem, after that, she wouldn’t give a damn. But he needed to know, and _she_ needed to know how he would react, though the thought churned her stomach. She was carrying the child of the man, no, _god_ , she was no longer with, and she had barely been with Krem two months, it was a disaster waiting to happen. She cursed Solas on his own name for it all, she was in this situation because of him. Now instead of feeling sorrow or upset when she thought of him, her blood boiled and she seethed with hatred. She despised him for it.

Caedri pulled up his hart, just visible in the distance was a campsite, not far off the beaten path. Curiosity drew him to the area, either they were merchants and therefore friendly, or bandits, and therefore needed dealing with. Regardless, Caedri and Aphre began to head in the direction of the camp, illuminated in orange by the firepit in the middle. Aphre’s blood began to thrum, excitement coursing through her. She enjoyed dosing out justice to those who deserved it, bandits, Venatori, shitty mercenaries, highwaymen, they all got their due. She enjoyed it more when they made the mistake of underestimating her, based on her appearance, they assumed she would be no threat to them, an easy target. She pushed magic into her staff, the end glowing a ghostly blue as they edged closer to the camp.

They dismounted when they were closer, the harts were unlikely to be in danger, they were formidable creatures that could put up a good fight if needed. But between the two of them, it really _shouldn’t_ be needed. They drew slyly closer, until a familiar laugh boomed from the camp, a deep, gruff and cacophonous laugh that sounded a lot like the Iron Bull. They walked closer, and as she rounded past the tent, familiar faces began to appear in front of her, including Krem. The light at the end of her staff sputtered out, the excitement turned to dread, she was frozen to the spot. Caedri appeared beside her,

“Now _this_ truly is a surprise.” All heads turned to face him, alarmed until they saw who had suddenly appeared on the outskirts of their camp.

“The Lavellan kids!” Bull roared, a grin pulling across his lips, “what you doing out this way? Weren’t you in Tevinter?”

“We were, yes, but we’re going back to our clan, now, it’s been a while,” Caedri replied. Aphre was still stood eerily still, her eyes wide as she looked at Krem, and he looked at her, she swallowed and drew her gaze away, onto Bull.

“Cat got your tongue, Aphre?” Bull remarked jokingly, she blinked before forcing herself to speak.

“Just a surprise to see you, is all,” She said tersely, a tense smile straining on her lips. “It’s been a long journey,” She added, trying to make her point more convincing.

“Well come in! There’s no point standing out there, we’ve got plenty of food and ale to go around,” Bull opened his arms to them, gesturing to the fire crackling in the centre of the camp, “Make yourself at home.” Caedri immediately took him up on his offer, walking over to the circle of people, sitting in a gap they made for him before he was handed a flagon of ale and people began bombarding him with conversation. Aphre hesitated as Krem smiled at her, she willed her legs to move, sitting in the space emptied deliberately by one of the other Chargers, who had teased Krem mercilessly about the ‘beautiful elf lady’ he was involved with.

“Hi,” He said quietly to her, his eyes fixed on the flickering orange flames in front of him.

“Hello,” she whispered in return, relieved that even in the two short syllables, she was able to control her voice, stop it from trembling. “I missed you,” she added, making her previous apprehension seem to be out of disbelief in seeing him, and not the dark secret that currently harboured within her very being. As quietly as he spoke, she could hear the smile in his voice as he replied,

“I missed you, too.” He laid his hand across hers momentarily, before dragging it away so he could take hold of the plate being handed to him, Aphre took the plate handed to her, too, and gave Stitches a grateful smile before he continued handing out plates to the rest of the Chargers. She looked down at the plate, analysing what had been given to her, in any other circumstance, the food would have been welcome, it would have even been _appetising_. But with the combination of her nerves, and whatever was going on with her body with the new life inside of her, it took all her will not to empty the contents of her stomach. She looked up and across at Caedri, hoping to catch his attention, though what good it would do her was a mystery, _he_ couldn’t settle her stomach for her. She guessed that simply having his support, in case she suddenly had to up and leave to promptly vomit, he knew, after all, what was wrong with her. When she drew his attention, his face quickly drew into an expression of concern, she couldn’t see what she looked like, but if it was anything like how she _felt_ , it couldn’t be good. She had to excuse herself, before she embarrassed herself,

“Sorry, I haven’t been feeling as well of late, I don’t think food from Tevinter agrees with me, I’m going to get some air.” She spoke quickly, placing the plate on the floor at her feet before dashing away from the camp, leaving no one any time to give a remark or comment on her actions. She disappeared into the darkness, finding a copse of trees nearby yet far enough away so she couldn’t be heard as she was violently sick, or at least that’s what she’d thought. Naturally concerned, Krem followed her, he wanted to catch up with her immediately, but her footing was far surer and swifter than his own on the uneven and shadowy terrain. Despite her speed, he didn’t lose track of her as she hurried away, and he heard her being sick, realising that she hadn’t been lying about not feeling well. He couldn’t help but feel that her excuse about Tevene food was false, she ate _bugs_ after all, and she loved spiced food, something didn’t add up. He made no effort to conceal his footsteps, he didn’t need to nor did he want to,

“Aphre? Are you alright?” He called to her, she snapped to face him, her eyes wide and uncannily like a deer frozen in its tracks. “It’s me. It’s just me,” He said, hoping to calm her down, though hearing those words appeared to make her worsen.

“I’m fine Krem.” She lied, “Just… just go back to the camp, I’ll be there soon.” She added, sounding entirely unconvincing, Krem took a step closer. “Please, just go away.” While he made no more steps forward, he didn’t retreat either,

“I want to help you, Aphre, but I can’t unless you tell me what’s wrong,” his words were soft, pained almost. As confused as he was, it hurt him to see her like this regardless, to feel this helpless, it was awful. He risked another step towards her, she did nothing, so he closed the gap between them, she breathed in sharply, her body tensing up, and she began to tremble. “Aphre I-” he stopped short when he placed his hands on her hips, his thumbs tracing across her front, he felt the swell of her stomach, a significantly prominent swell, that hadn’t been there last time they were together. Her shoulders began to shake violently, she was crying. He put one of his hands flat on her stomach, as her own pushed feebly against him, his heart sank as the realisation dawned on him. He wasn’t good enough for her, she wanted something that he couldn’t give her, of _course_ he wasn’t good enough for her, he’d never be good enough for anyone, and to think otherwise-

His thoughts were interrupted by Aphre talking through her breathy sobs,

“I- I haven’t been unfaithful I _swear_!” She started, “I wouldn’t do that to you Krem, I wouldn’t! You deserve better than that!”

“It’s alright,” though he felt far from it, “You’re okay, it’s okay just try and breathe.”

“Two nights before we got together… Solas came to Skyhold, I was weak, I should have said no, I should have refused him, but I couldn’t! I hung on his every word like a fucking idiot and I let him use me, and now I’m paying the price for it. I’ll _never_ get away from him.” Her pain was palpable, when she finally felt ready to move on, to leave Solas and all the dreaded memories of him behind, she was given the cruellest gift. She looked up at him, a subtle resignation lingered in her eyes, “I understand if you… if you want to leave,” though she hoped with all her being that he didn’t, “This isn’t your burden to bear, I wouldn’t ask it of you.” He took a hold of her hands, lacing his fingers with her own, and took a shuddery breath in before speaking,

“I’m not leaving,” He started, he could see the relief growing in her face, “I’m terrified, but I’m not leaving.” He gave her hands a reassuring squeeze.

“Th- thank you, Krem,” She sounded surprised, “What did I do to deserve a man as good as you? Thank you, Creators, _thank you_.” She said before wrapping her arms around him, her legs almost giving out from underneath her, so he too put his arms around her, holding her close.

Their situation wasn’t ideal, far from it, but somehow, in each other’s arms, it seemed like they could make it through everything together. The Dread Wolf would not break them, no matter how hard he tried.

Together, they would survive.


End file.
